Egg · Shells · Are · Made · To · Be · Broken

I totally didn't want to get out of the bed this morning. When i first opened my eyes this morning my dog was in my face very excited that there was another day and trying desperatly to get me up. 20 mnutes later I wake up with her sleeping curled up in a ball on my back...I guess she gave up. Welp as i'm quite sure many of you are well aware, today is FRIDAY thank god. This week has been hellaishish. I clicked on the icon as though i had something to ssy but apparently not....sorry to waist your time...I think i'm gonna have a ciggarette

As I have said earlier Will (boyfriend) and I have a roommate named Casey. Casey is 28 while I am only 20, however Casey was a friend of Wills from high school and Will is 24, so that's how the totum pole goes. Anyway, living with Casey isn't nearly as bad as I was expecting it to be. From time to time she does some stuff to piss me off but what roommate doesn't? Ok I take that back the ONLY thing that she does to get on my nerves is underestimate herself. Casey is an incredible girl that is running away from a bad relationship, and while her legs have taken her pretty far away her heart can't seem to find the strength to catch up. It kills me to know that a girl I've grown to like so much has been beaten, lied to , and used by someone that she loves so much, and what makes it worse is that she can't seem to keep from going back for more. I just don't understand. I try every night of my life to talk to her about it but one night she will say she is though and that she hates him and the next night she's talking about how they had sex that day. It seems to me as though she want's to leave and she knows that she deserves better but almost as though she is scared to leave. She talks a lot of time like she is worthless and lost without him. Apparently this guy took her away from all of her friends so now she has no one, and i think a lot of that scares her back to him. I think he sounds down right creepy. I can't help sometimes but want to shake Casey and dump a cold bucket of reality on her head to see if she will wake up from this stupid dream she keeps trying to have. Oh well i am bored and just thought that i would fill you in. so there it is. And if any of you pray out there, please pray for Casey to have the strength and the courage to take control of her own life as an independent adult woman. Thank you

So it's been a while since i've made a post and although it took sometime i began to go through withdrawls. Thankfully I am back. Well lets see, as i have stated in previous entries I work a full time job completely by myself pretty much 12 hours a day, please no one ask me what i do for a living becuase i wont tell you...there's no top secret reason why..i just don't want o talk about it if i don't have to...anywho...Let's reflect...the extent of my day yesterday consisted of me getting home at about 6:00..changing clothes, feeding storm, going out to feed the goats and realizing that one got her head stuck. I mean her head had to have been stuc in that fence for a long time becuase by the time i had gotten to her she had apparently struggled so badly she whitteled her horns down. I can only imagine how badly that had to hurt her. I case you can't tell my animals are like abstract people that are a little mute. Speaking of abstract humans i know that in past entries i talked about the dog that i had just bought and how i was some what worried that she would end up to be a lot like that chow that she is mixed with. Well we got Storm around June 1st and it's September 21st today and all i have to say is that she could have put Lassie out of business she is such a good dog. I love her to death, just looking in her face i can tell that she gets it. For those of you reading please do not think that i am some creepy earth lady with a lot of dirty animals and none of us ever take baths becasue that's not the case at all. I am just a girl that has spent most of her life working with nothing but people and after a while i began to realize people SUCK. My dog for example (to me) is as cometint as a human the only the that we have that storm doens't in the ability to rationalize. My dog is like a human is before it is tarnished with the expectations of society. She just as emotional and loving as a human CAN be with out all of the hangups that most humans have. I mean when i've had a bad day and collapse in the floor crying like a stupid girl, it's amazing to see my Hyper active, somewhat annoying, teething puppy, become a compassionate being that sits in my lap and licks my hand until i am done freaking out. I love it when she meets new people she will immidiatly run up to the kiss them love them and beg for them to pet her. Storm to me is just the appitamy of love. My cats are super interesting. I've just gotten to the point where i understand that most people suck, People never stop dissapointing me and animals never stop amazing me.
Ever wonder why mortitians or coranors seem to be such jovial people...well i don't know if they are all like that but i know that most of the ones that i have met have been that way. To begin with i never could understand how someone that cuts dead people open and sucks all the blood and organs out of them could be anything but creepy and scary. I've found out what makes them so happy. The people that they have to deal with everyday are dead. Not saying that i want everyone i meet to die..or ANYONE i meet to die for that matter, but if you want to get the full effect of what it is i am talking about go out and get a job waiting tables. Then you will see how people get off on being as hateful as they can be,

So I would like to think i'm a simple person. I understand that the words simple and female don't usually go together, and the few times that they do they leave and akward taste in your mouth after saying them one right after the other, but none the less it's true. I do concider myself simple, and i guess that my simplicity makes things complicated. I mean everyone in the world is so use to everything being so complicated that when they finally come to a situation that is not so complex they can't just accecpt it for that simple fact and roll with the soft punches. They have to over analyze and make it much harder than it actually is. I wouldn't say it's anyones fault exactly but it's just something that we as a whole have grown accustome to. That fact use to drive me to drink, but now it just drives me fucking crazy. If anyone is reading out there please answer a few questions for me on behalf of the rest of the world cause sometimes upon, closer examination, i just don't feel like i'm a part of it. I feel like i'm an alien that came here looking for intelligent life and woops, i made a mistake. Why is it that if you earthlings have something to say you wont just come out and say it. I'm a 20 year old girl made of fluff and moosh, there is nothing to fear with me, say it! i wont hurt you. I may try to hurt you or at least want to, but 9 times out of 10 i will not succeed. And why is it that you all look for a nice way to say everything. I can't for the life of me adjust to that one thing right there. How overly defensive is the world becoming when we all have something to say but we have to coat it in sugary plastic before we can deliver our feelings. Toughen up America! holy fuck! And speaking of overly defensive explain this latest observation to me.
When the Da vinci Code was written it stirred somewhat of an uproar. I guess i can understand why, you earthings seem to have a lot of problem digesting opinions or ideas that are not the same as yours. But when the movie came out there was even more controversy, Not only is Dan Brown infecting the minds of the wierdos in our population that read but, now he is infecting our entire society by pressing his veiws on the normal people that waist 20 hard earned dollars to sit infront of a screen and vegitate. MY thought is if you don't want to see it don't go. But anyway that was a BIG freaking deal. Questioning the majoirties religion with a fiction based story. How dare you challenge our faith in such a way Dan Brown! *shakes fist* anyway. I am now seeing previews for 9/11 the story of the people that risked their lives and died trying when the attach on the world trade centers went down. Now that this is being advertised not a word is said, alomst like everyone is wringing their hands and applauding for cinimas vicotory. I bet every god fearing american that bashed dan brown will proudly go see 9/11.
DUMBASSES!
You mean to tell me that a fictional story about a cryptext is worse then HollyWood taking the worst disaster of our lifetime and making a quick buck off of it? You earthings are sick. Sick i tell you and i don't think i will ever be able to get back to my home planet now because from the moment i set "foot" on this planet i lost brain cells and got dumber. Thanks america. Make a movie off of my misory and loss, maybe it will become a box office smash like 9/11.

*DUMBASSES*

So I'm 20 years old. I've lived an extremely...i wont say spoiled life although that is a great word to describe it, more like pamperd. You have a choice in being spoiled. Pamperd is just kinda handed to you. Anyway. I lived with my mother and father and at a time 2 grandparents that never made or let me worry about a thing. I didn't even know what the true definition of yearly taxes were until i was about 19. Now i love on my own, with a boyfriend 2 cats, 2 goats, and now a mutt dog. life out there is great so far. aside from the fact my other half is coming as i am going and vice versa at all times. you see he works 3rd shift while i work first. We live a good 30 minutes away from most civilization so you gotta wake up early to get anywhere on time. We pretyy much see each other in passing. I cook i clean i take care of the puppy that was bought over the weekend. i do laundy and make beds. Thats nothing i had to do before. I'm not complaining i like the switch. I always wanted to have some resposiblity just everyone around me was so well adjusted they could more than comfortably take care of them and me so me knowing the ropes to life was pretty unimportant.
Its funny though. I graduated high school when i was 17 years old. I graduated early and to this day i still remember being a junior in high school. I woke up one morning. Got in the shower, stepped out and reached for a yellow towel and began complaining to myself as i dryed off about how badly i wished time would speed up. How sick i was of plan old rutine. I was so sick of it i could havepulled my hair out. Everyday i prayed for school to end so the same old cycle would be broken and a new exciting one with new turns around every corner would being. I hated waking up at the same time everyday, going to the same classes everyday, dealing with the same dumbshit people everyday. Once i finally got out of school i got my wish. I waited tables and lived at home. If anyone has waited table you know that your life style from hire date on out is erradic. You go in wheneever your days off are whenever and every night is a new party. It was awsome i had a lot of fun got into a lot of trouble and interestingly enough began to feel worthless and hate everything that was going on. I had finally gotten what i wanted and was doing pretty much EVERYTHING that i wanted and the more i got of it the more ashamed of myself i became. Then i slowly began getting to the point where i wanted the rutine of things back. I wanted gaurantees and to know what was going to happen tomorrow because that question just wasn't as appealing as it was before. By 19, 2 years after it all began pretty much, i was spent, burned out on the unsteady scheduling, unsteady pay, and unsteady friendships. So then i found myself begging and pleading for the same thing i had in the beginging. And now for some reason a schdule is so much easier to endure. I'm more appriciative of it now. Funny what a little time and knowledge does for someone. Back when i was in school dreading my schdule for the day i would go to sleep whenever i felt like and wake up 30 minutes before class get there and be done with it now i have to wake up 2 hours before work drive an hour there and i am still more ok with this then i was back then. Is it true that i've chagned? Am i a boring adult now when at a time i was once so free spirited. CAn you still be a free spirit sitting behind an office desk? I wonder if i'm the first to have asked that question. Perhaps as adults we are all broken spirits. But no one did it to me but me. I made the desicion i was unhappy with my life at the time and found it difficult to stare at that broken smile in the mirror. I had made a name for myself through not caring and it was the easiest thing i ever did in my life with the biggest result i had never imagined. But it also came with the steepest price because as i said it took years ot get over.

So this past weekend cosisted of me and will going to the humane society and will buying me a puppy. ME and will being the two free non thinking before leaping spirits that we are went for the first cute face that we saw. So far all has been well and good but she is a chow mix. I decided today 3 days after the purchase that i would do a little research. One story i found said that there was a medic that got a call that a man collapsed in his living room with a stroke. When the medic got there he found the door was locked and so the only way into the house was trhough the living room window. Just as he got one foot on the floor he hear the dog running down the hall toward him. He looked up and saw a huge chow dog running for him coverd in blood. Once the medic had landed safely outside of the window he looked back into the see the dog walking back toward his ijured owner. Protecting? on second look you realize, no in fact the dog was eating him owner.
so yeah. Gotta say i'm excited. I don't take too many things like that to heart though anyway. I mean i think a lot of it has to do with how you raise them. Anyway so the weekend went over well. The puppy the boyfriend and i all got along great adn then monday happend and it was right back to the old bullshit that it always is. The puppy is a $60 mutt from the humane society i refuse to pay $300 for a friend. Anyhow when we broght her home turns out that she had a terrible cold along with direah i understand that the ladies at the humane society have a lot of animals to dael with and can't get to them all at once but come on now. My poor baby HAD to be in that kind of condition for a long time for it to be as bad as it was. But it's all gravy my little poopsie will be better now. I talk about that puppy like this now but don't think for one second i'm gonna stop when she gets as big as a lion and just as mean. I'll happily be one of those niave parents that thinks her child is an angel while my bloody arm is dangeling from her mouth.

so there ws a span of great depression for me one time. I stood 5'6 nice ass 19 years old waiting tables and collecting the phone number of any ass hole that wanted to try his luck for the day. Naturally no one ever got a call back except for a co work whom i'm now living with and lmadly loving with every fiber of my being. Anywho i figured it was now time to try and find what i like to refer to as a "real job" no one can mess with your schedual no one can pinch your butt and no one gives you their phone number on a regualr basis. anyhow being a hot headed self ritious southern 19 year old woman. i quit my final restaruant job in january and set ou tto get an office job. No one talking to you like you were sum, no orders to take, i got to wear didfferent clothes ever day instad of being stuck in the same t shirt and company issued t shirt everyday of my life. oought it would be a breeze, i had almost always gotten any job i had ever applied for so i thought that the search for an office job would be much the same. A cake waklk, with charms like mne i figured how can you be out of a job for more than a month. Boy was i wrong i quit my job in January and it took everyday for 5 months before i got another. People didn't even want to give me a chance until finally this company decided to give me one. I've been ahppy as a clam ever since. I get to work alone in my own office and get to wear all the pretty clothes i would have killed to wear back in the day. No one can mess with my 9 - 5 hours and the biggest pluss which i've already mentioned is that i work entirely alone. and that fact there has it's perks and cons. This is a very low volume branch so most of the day is spent with my thumb up my but. When i actually get to do a little work i love it but those momentws are few and far between. I like ti though casue should i have a flapped i can pick it without running to the bathroom or running th risk of being caught by a co worker, if i have to fart i don't have to worry if it will be a silent one or not and when you are a woman that is a great thing becuase we can't get by with being humane in public as well and easily as a man can. Any way i sit here all day long just striving to find something to do with my time. And this is just about hte only productive thing i can do with it. I spent all four of my high school years doing nothing but writing so i figured if writing were my way to pass the time then, perhaps it will save me yet again.
I must warn you though. You being the souls that decide to read the entried to follow this one that my writing is not for the faint of heart the weakly stomached or the easily offended. In other words if you don't have a set of balls and a hyde made of steel don't waste your fucking time. Unless your like the people that knew that they disagreed with the da vince code when it was just a book and then went out to the theaters to see it just so they could bitch. I mean everyone has got to have a way to get there rocks off and if pissing and moaning is yours then by all means stop in and stay awhile. We will both love to hate each other. Course then again i seriously doubt anyone will read this unless i begg or pay some friend too. No one just takes a natural intrest in someone the 1 they haven't invested in (unless there is lust involved) or B) their not getting something out of, and what could you, the reader, possibly be getting out of me? Chicken Poxx, Cod Fish and chips with a pecan pie that is bite sized and comes in a little wrapper and the convienice store down the road from my house?